Ah ha moments..

Sometimes, I have "Ah, ha!" moments...or epiphanies as my best friend loves to call them. It doesn't usually have anything at all to do with what's going on in that moment, or what's been said throughout my day, no it's usually spastic..just like me. I had one of those moments tonight, actually it was quite literally five minutes ago, and though it seemed like one of my spastic moments, it wasn't. I could never come up with the words I was about to hear and call it an "Ah, ha!" moment...as it wasn't my thoughts at all. I was reading one of my favorite blogs right now A Holy Experience, and doing a little soul searching as I so often find myself doing lately, as I was suddenly brought to tears. I can't really even tell you why I started crying, I wasn't reading anything very incredibly sad, just another one of this godly woman's accounts of her life in Africa...and then I realized what was going on. 

In this world of craziness I live in, I can't think. This is when the Lord speaks to me. I so heard His very real voice softly whispering in my ear...

 "Stop. Stop worrying. Stop thinking that I can't take care of you. Stop fighting what I'm telling you to do. Stop thinking about what others are thinking. Never stop listening for My voice. Live every day like it's your mission. I've called you to Africa, but stop worrying about how/if you're getting there, and who you're getting there with. Just stop. Rejoice in the everyday. Be excited about the wonderful things happening in your life, and in your heart. Pause in the everyday moments and rejoice that they are there, because they won't always be. Embrace the people who love you. Embrace what I am doing in your life, and walk into it with the faith that I'll get you through every second of it. Stop living, and let me breathe life into you." 

I can't really tell you why that made me cry.

Perhaps the peace that overcame me, when just hours ago, I was talking about how stressed I was. 

Perhaps the fact that I was so very overwhelmed with the fact that He cares for me so much as to give me that peace. 

Perhaps....

Why does it really matter anyway? 

The LORD just gave me peace..through His quiet whisper and I feel like I can do anything He calls me to do...at the moment He whispers again.

Time to go vegetarian again? Or even vegan...

So, I used to be vegetarian..for a pretty short time actually. Like a few months at the most. I couldn't keep with it, because well...it was kind of difficult. However, I had a pretty interesting conversation with a friend today, who used to be vegan, and it brought back all the reasons I was vegetarian in the first place. Yeah, I'm going back to it. This time though, I think I'm going for vegan. I'm not sure though, I haven't completely decided. All I know is that I came home to find something to eat today, and seriously..the ONLY thing I could eat was pineapple. Everything in this house is meat. Looks like it's time for me to go grocery shopping....oh yeah, this is why I stopped being vegetarian, because I'm poor.

Stop Planning...

Lately I've been hearing this conviction a lot. "Stop planning.." "Have faith in what I can do for you.." Obviously, I have issues when I don't have a plan, otherwise this wouldn't be something God is trying to teach me. No but really, I have real issues with this. If I don't know what's coming next, I just might freak out. I have the calling to missions, I have a place I'm going to be trained..but somehow my heart seems to fear the unknown. My thoughts are constant. They are 99% of the time on what's coming next in my life. All that staring out the window, yeah, that would be me contemplating my life. My mind is full of 'What ifs'. "What if the guy I end up with doesn't support my love of missions?" "What if Africa isn't where I end up even though that's where my heart is?" "What if I'm not a good enough missionary?" These thoughts can tear you apart, let me just tell you. I can hardly be excited about the work I can/will do for the Lord when these thoughts consume me. The more I have these thoughts, the more I can hear the Lord telling me to stop planning. Go with what I know now and let Him figure the rest out. No, I have no idea what I'll do after my Bible training. Maybe I'll leave for a different country, or maybe God has some plan for me in the States. All I know is I have to stop worrying about it and give the reins over to Him. 

Pastor's need hugs too...

No I'm totally serious here! However, I'm not talking about a physical hug. Your Pastor might be a little weirded out if everyone in Church started randomly attacking him with hugs..and anyway, good way to spread the flu. Anyway...your Pastor needs emotional hugs!! I thought of this while I was in the church service this morning. During communion I looked up from my private prayer to see my Pastor with his head in his hands praying. I just got this overwhelming sense of "MY PASTOR NEEDS MY PRAYER". Not because he can't pray himself, not the case at all. But because, 200 people praying can do a lot more than 1 person praying. The fact is, I have no idea what he was praying about...it could have been personal, it could have been about the service, or a situation, or even just the church family in general, but I saw this and knew immediately who was getting even extra prayer from now on. Not saying that I don't pray for my Pastor..as I do on a daily basis, along with prayer for my parents, friends, family...etc. But this morning the Lord really put on my heart that instead of always leaning on my Pastor (and family) for hugs..perhaps they also need someone to lean on for hugs. Perhaps they need an encouraging word, or an extra smile. Or....just hug them with prayer.

View me...

How do I want people to view me? This is such a big question for me, because quite frankly, I am a people pleaser. When I think of this idea of conforming to what other people think I should be, I always think of Noah on the Notebook; "I'll be anything you want!" "You're dumb." "I can be that."...while that is funny to us, because of who said it and how it was said, think about it for a minute. How many times in a day do people tell you how they want you to be, whether intentionally or not?
I don't want to be seen as a people pleaser, that's for sure. Kind, yes. Easy to push around, absolutely not.
I want to clap in church, I'm going to darn well clap. I want to have my hair some crazy bright color? Don't go telling me that it's going to offend some older lady in church, I don't go to church for her benefit, and I sure as heck hope that something like that couldn't turn someone away from the real reason they come to church. We think differently as far as how conservative our families are? Good. If we were all the same, the world would be one boring place.
I guess what I'm trying to say here, is stop worrying about what others might think. Is how you live your life pleasing to God? Let me rephrase that..because some people may be telling you that you're not. DOES YOUR LIFE LINE UP WITH SCRIPTURE?? Notice I didn't ask "Does your life line up with so and so's look on life?" I asked has GOD said anything against the way you live your life? Do you feel convicted by Him to change your life? No? Then don't. God knows what He's doing, and the people coming up against you for the way you may live your life...well they need to suck it up, and move on.

Road to.....

For those of you that kind of keep up with my journey to missions...Arkansas is out. My grandpa checked it out for me and after talking it over and stuff we decided it wasn't an option. So back to only looking at the ones in Colorado!! :)

Southern slang...

When you google Southern slang, this is what you come up with. It really made me giggle....mostly because it's so very right.

Ain't
Pronunciation: 'Ant
Etymology: contraction of are not
Date: 1778
1 : am not : are not : is not
2 : have not : has not
3 : do not : does not : did not -- used in some varieties of Black English

Air-Up
Function: Verb
To pressurize or inflate. Example: "Air-up your car tires before you go on a long trip."

A larking
Function: Verbal phrase
Originates from the word "lark" which means to engage in harmless fun or mischief. To go a larking means to play a prank or joke on someone

All y'all
Etymology: Intensive form of y'all
This usage states "you all" more emphatically. For example, saying "I know y'all," would mean that one knows a group of people; saying, "I know all y'all" would mean that one knows the members of the group individually.

Arkansawyer, Arkansan, Arkie
Function: Adjective or noun
1: A resident or native of Arkansas.
2: Referring to a resident or native of Arkansas.

Darn tootin'
Function: Colloquialism
For sure. Correct. "You're darn tootin', that is oil."

Egg on
Function: Verbal phrase
To urge to do something. Example: "He only did it because the crowd egged him on."

Fit As A Fiddle
Function: Colloquialism
In good shape, healthy.

Fixin'
Function: Verb
To get set : be on the verge Example: We're fixin' to leave soon.
Function: Noun
Customary accompaniments. Example: We had a turkey dinner with all the fixins.

Frog Gig
Function: Noun
A pole used to spear frogs for cooking.
Function: Verb
The act of hunting frogs for meat. Often called "frog gigging."

Hankering
Etymology: probably from Flemish hankeren, frequentative of hangen to hang; akin to Old English hangian
Function: Noun
A strong or persistent desire or yearning -- often used with for or after. Example: I have a hankering for fried okra. I've really been craving it."

June bug
Function: Noun
Date: 1829
Any of numerous rather large leaf-eating scarab beetles (subfamily Melolonthinae) that fly chiefly in late spring and have larvae that are white grubs which live in soil and feed chiefly on the roots of grasses and other plants -- called also june beetles. (THESE ARE AWFUL, in case you were wondering)

Skedaddle
Function: Verb
Run, scatter.

Yankee
Function: Noun
Someone from the North.

..And this one wasn't found when I googled it..but I'll put it on here because I think some people would appreciate it.. ;)

Gussie
Example: Oh dear, Gussie. Basically you use this when you're exasperated and just have nothing else to say. (better than something else I could be saying if you ask me :P)