I'm sure you're wondering why I would bother to tell you this little bit of useless information in the title of this post... It's so important though. I started writing a blog post on how the younger generation (so...mine.) isn't doing enough in the church and how we all need to step up....you get the gist. I was having some serious writer's block. I eventually put it on hold and spent some time on pinterest and watched some baseball/Jimmy Fallon with a dear friend. Either way, I never finished the post...and eventually just headed home.
Now, another little insider to this story: I've been telling another one of my friends how I need to just lock myself in a room for a week and pray the entire time. Figure out my life, figure out what God wants from me (even though He has told me many times in the past few weeks what He wants from me, I just am not a very good listener sometimes)...and all that jazz.
So, I'm driving home.... I hate driving with a burning passion by the way. And I'm like HELLO. You have 20 minutes until you're home, why aren't you praying? I then hear the same voice I've heard all week;
"I want all of you."
This sentence has brought me to tears more than once....even in front of my dear small group, simply because as I told them "I thought He had all of me, what else does He want from me, I didn't think I had anything else to give."
Tonight it brought on full sobs.
(Please just forget that I was driving...it was 1am, no one else was out, right?)
The light bulb went on. A situation I have been struggling with for probably like 2 years, that has me in a state of constant worry and wondering if anything will ever happen to fix it. And the Lord wanted to take it from me.
I think that perhaps I didn't want to give it to Him all of this time.
I wanted to try and control the situation by myself.
So, as I drove down Pine Island Dr. at 1am I tearfully gave the whole thing to the only One that could possibly do anything about it. This meant giving myself, people, and the future to Christ once and for all. Vowing to not let them distract me without cause. Asking God to show people things in His timing and not mine. And as quickly as the tears came they were wiped away with peace and joy.
So my dear friends, what started as a rather somber post at 7:30 this evening is now ending as a glimpse into my life at 1:45 in the morning.
