..and life keeps going.

Sometimes, I honestly don't even have words for what I want to say.

No words for what is on my heart...

No words for the frustration I feel, or the absolute anger.

Today I got a phone call from admissions at YWAM. It seems as though my application (along with $75) was lost in the mail...
My first thought: "Really, God?"
There's so much struggle going on inside of my heart lately. So much anxiety, such a feeling of being lost on what to do or say... (not to mention the stomach flu that is rampaging through my house, which I am sick with at the moment)
The thought that my application could be lost had never even entered into my head. Yet, it's now one more thing on my list. It's not that big of a deal, really. I can resubmit it, send in the money again... It's simply the fact that it happened.
Just another stone thrown my way....

My next thought: "Wow, Satan really doesn't want me there does he?"
After that thought, I honestly have no words.

The overwhelming sense of dread washing over me in that moment is unexplainable.

Prayer.

It's such a powerful thing...something that I do often in the middle of the night. Sometimes it's simply all you can do. You can't always fix situations. You can't always make people happy. You can't always feel okay. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is cry out in prayer.

I have a feeling I'll be doing more talking to God than sleeping on this chilly night...